NAME: Matthew Steven Webb    

AGE: 46

CITY/STATE: Dixon, CA

Do you feel any connection to your name?

My first name is from my mother. It was very important to her that I be named Matthew. So I feel a connection to her through that name. My middle name is my father’s name, so the same applies. My last name is a very old Norman English name. I find that kind of ancestral history fascinating.

How did you end up living in Dixon?

My wife’s childhood friend from the Philippines happens to live here. She suggested we look at houses in the area, and the time was just right.

What keeps you living there?

The quiet is what I love the most. It’s not the Bay Area, but it’s not too far away either, so I’m far enough away from the hustle to be comfortable, but also close enough to see my family.

Would you change anything about your upbringing?

There definitely things I would change. I can wish my parents weren’t as strict, and that I hadn’t fought against everything they said. But all in all, I was safe, happy, and loved. Can’t ask for much more than that.

Do you feel like an adult? What changed in you from youth to adulthood?

There are times when I feel like an adult, and times I feel like I’m still 16. When I’m with my family (parents and siblings), I tend to fall back into that role of adolescent son without realizing I’m doing it, and it can be a very uncomfortable feeling. But when I’m working or spending time with my wife and children, I feel like an adult, because they see me that way, and those responsibilities and relationships require it.

My biggest change from youth to adulthood came in learning to let go. Terrible things can happen, and also beautiful things, and overall, I can’t control which. I can’t hold back the flow of the river, but I can float downstream and deal with the crises that come up in a way that builds strength.

When you look in the mirror, what do you tend to focus on about your appearance?

My hair. I’ve always been fixated on whether my hair is right.

If you could change something about your physical being, what would it be?

I wish I looked like George Michael. No, but seriously, I’m pretty happy with the body I was given. Of course, I would like to lose weight faster and lose the bags under my eyes, but I’m blessed in the fact that I generally feel comfortable in my own skin. I know that not everybody does.

What do you tend to notice in strangers?

Are they courteous? Are they kind? That is what makes the first impression for me, and I have to try to remember that, and be courteous and kind myself.

What do you think strangers notice about you?

That I’m quiet. Beyond that, I’m not sure. People can have a positive view of quiet people, or think they’re up to something, or think they’re weird… or they can think nothing at all about it. The latter is probably most common.

What do think those that know you say about you?

“He’s a nice guy.” I mean, I really hope they say that. I try to treat everyone with respect, and make sure people around me feel comfortable. I hope I live up to that ideal as much as I can.

What would you hope they would say?

“He’s a nice guy, and you can rely on him.”

What do you hope never changes about yourself?

My imagination. I was a shy kid and played by myself a lot, and therefore was able to develop an active imagination. Even as an adult, I enjoy thinking about doing or achieving things that may or may not ever happen, as a way to pass the time, or calm anxiety.

When does a stranger become a friend?

When something passes between them that is different from everyday encounters. It’s something that’s very hard to describe and is usually not verbalized. It might be a kind word leading to reciprocation. it might be a helping hand at the right moment, leading to gratitude. Generally, I would describe it as a moment when two people find that the world is just a little less lonely.

When does a friend become family?

The key to that, in my opinion, is deep trust. That doesn’t happen in a moment, or during a single event. A friend becomes family when you realize that you trust them with not only yourself and your own feelings, but also with those you love most.

If you could know exactly when and how you would die, would you want to know?

No. That would take a beautiful mystery out of being alive.

Often, mentors are made in the form of teachers and coaches. Someone who’s guidance affects your life for the better. Have you had a mentor that has made an impact on your life? If so, who was it and what was their impact?

Yes — my sponsor for my Confirmation. He was assigned to me as a spiritual guide by the Confirmation catechist, and we became very good friends. He became a mentor and source of wisdom, and eventually I realized that I could talk to him about anything. We all have things inside that we need to get out, but don’t know who to trust with our burden. He became someone who I could trust with anything, as well as being an example of kindness, compassion, and spiritual seeking.

Is there anything that you have dedicated your life to doing, or being?

Not to sound trite, but…”a better person”. Really, that’s my goal. I want to be kinder, slower to anger, and more accepting of everyone. I want to be thankful. I want to learn from my many mistakes, rather than stay mired in guilt over them. I want my son and daughter to see me as a man, imperfect but always trying.

How do you view the role of your job in your life? Does it play a role outside of money?

We spend so much time at our jobs that they naturally become more than money-making exercises. I certainly see it as a part of myself, my value to my family, and my personal contentment.

In reality I know that I could lose my job at any time, and I would still be me. I try to do a serious job, and use it as a serious tool, without relying on my job to define me or to define my success in life. I lost a job before that I was not ready to lose, and it cratered my self-esteem. I don’t want to let that ever happen again.

How much time do you spend thinking about work versus the other aspects of life?

As important as my job is to me, as a tool and a means to my goals, I am thankfully usually able to “turn it off” when off the clock. My family is what I think about (and worry about) the most. 

Is that ratio you’re comfortable with?

I think so. It’s possible that if I spent more time thinking about and planning my career, I could move up faster. But I’m very happy where I am right now.

Do you have a rule, or rules, that guide how you live your life ? Do you feel successful at following it?

You can’t control what happens in life. You can only control how you react to it. I try to remind myself of that constantly, because I know it to be a solid truth; however, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to learn to accept. I want to shelter and protect the people I love. But all I can really do is continue to love them, and enjoy every moment we’re together.